Early Hours Sunday Morning (22nd April)

These past two weeks have been somewhat a blur, not knowing what day it to the next. To be told what day it is yesterday. I have to attribute me not keeping up with posting to it. I haven’t kept up with any social media or kept up contact with friend’s and family.  I’ve become some what detached from them all.

Yesterday was the 1st day I felt I had the energy and motivation to do anything since I started weaning off Venlafaxine. I actually felt okay enough that I had a shower.
To recall the dose I started on was 150g am & 75g pm. The doctor reduced it weekly and kept in touch with weekly phone calls for support. Venlafaxine 1st reduction on 9th to 75g am & 75g pm.
2nd reduction which started on 16th taking it down to 75g am only.

I can’t quite explain today what withdrawal symptoms I’m experiencing so far. I will do that at a later time.

Have a good day all.


Bipolar Fibro Bodybuilder Battling Life Bio

I’ve written this about myself whilst I’m  going through possibly the worst time of my life. So please bare with me if I start rambling about me and my life.
Here goes….Over the year’s I’ve been diagnosed with numerous illnessess and at time’s I felt like I was being used as a guinea pig.
I have Asthma, Cyclothymia a bipolar disorder, Essential tremor is a neurological disorder, Osteoarthritis in my Vertebrae, Hypotension, Bile Reflux (Duodenogastric Reflux), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome , Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease, Cervical spondylosis, Osteoarthritis in both knee’s, Fibromyalgia.
I’ve been battling mental illness since my teens which in 2014 it was diagnosed as Cyclothymia (a form of bipolar). My brain disorder Essential Tremor causes my hands, legs, body and head shake & sometimes it affects my speech. For several years I had to use a walking stick every day to help with my mobility because of my brain disorder and I struggled to do daily activities. In 2010 I started training in the gym lifting weights building up my strength, the need for a walking stick diminished.
Thanks to my diagnosed conditions over the year’s especially Fibromyalgia, I need that very walking stick I said goodbye to many year’s ago.
In 2010 I started training initially to lose fat and build my strength and wanted to compete but due to health issues I couldn’t until 2012.
This was my first experience on stage and I loved every minute of it. My life had changed greatly thanks to bodybuilding (alongside my medication).
I’ve spent day’s, month’s, even year’s struggling being diagnosed different illnesses and how they effect me so many ways. I’m constantly battling them never giving in.
I was fortunate I became a competitive bodybuilder from 2012 until 2015. During that time a achieved a 2nd and became top 10 in a Britain Final.
After that my health problems grew & had a huge effect I was unable to compete in bodybuilding.
In 2016 I competed in a adaptive Strongwoman competition where I won and became Southwest’s Strongest Adaptive Woman 2016. And I pulled a New World Record in the Seated Deadlift at 195kg, which was a great achievement.
That competition was the last time I was in the gym and trained properly. At that time I had been diagnosed with 10 conditions and taken it’s toll on me hugely.
Daily life has become so hard for me. I literally would only go to work, come home go to bed & sleep all weekends. Then in 2017 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I’ve felt a sense of relief. I have been experiencing so many symptoms for so long it’s crazy. I’ve done extensive research and learnt there are over 200 symptoms. Looking at the symptoms and medical research
all 3 of my parent’s and myself have concluded that I I’ve been suffering from Fibro since I was a little child.
Now the doctor and I know what else we’re fighting alongside of my other conditions.

Great Ending to this week

On Monday I was happy because I had a catchup with my mum on the phone which ended up being over a hour lol. Then 2 separate friend’s surprisingly messaged me for a catchup and actually want to know how I’m doing. It was so nice to hear from them as the are both have good souls, they’re good people.

Since the middle of October I’ve been looking for a place to live. A room in a shared house or flat. Even with my Fibro fog I’ve sent so many messages about so many room’s. Which amounted to 4 viewings so far with other’s arranged for the week’s to come. Out of the 4 I clicked with 2 of the landladys, even telling them about having Fibromyalgia and they both knew what it was & a little about it. The viewing I had Tuesday (The 1st landlady I clicked with) I said yes to it. However she was due to have 2 other people view the room this week also. She would let me know either way after the other 2 viewings. So I’ve had my fingers crossed for a good result.

I had a text yesterday from the 1st landlady to say that the room is mine if I still want it. On a 2/3 month trial, initial contract. Which of course I do, I loved the place

I’ve had a great end to the week.

Life is hard

Thing’s are very difficult for me at the moment having Fibromyalgia and severe depression with my bipolar but I’m working through my problems. Which is why I’ve been quiet with my blogging.

I had a mental breakdown just have last Christmas. I finally was able to get back to work in June. I’m not on both of my antidepressants Mirtazapine and Venlafaxine (which 1 I was on for decades, the other for many years). I got taken off them earlier this year when I was off work as they clearly had stopped working, the psychiatrist advise my doctor that I should go on to the mood stabilizer called Agomelatine/Valdoxan. I think because of having severe depression and anxiety with my bipolar, It has sort of stabilised me. But from the beginning of my breakdown I kept saying that I needed therapy.
Bristol Wellbeing Therapies firstly refused me therapy as I was due to start Pain Management Programme, but the Pain Management Programme didn’t start until August & it didn’t involve any kind of therapy. Bristol Wellbeing Therapies finally said yes recently to giving me therapy help after my doctor’s 2nd referral letter. They’ve put me on 1-2-1 CBT low intensity low mood Therapy to help with my bipolar severe depression. I’ve been going for 3 week’s now. I’m open minded & positive about it. She’s encouraging me to blog routinely.

I need to move out soon so I’m looking for a room in a shared house, which is taking up most of my attention. So I have that stress whilst I’m having therapy to combat my bipolar severe depression. Especially living with Fibromyalgia which affects my life greatly. All this as well as working & holding down my full time with all that’s going on in my life.

8 Things I Wish People Would Remember & Know about Me

I’ve taken this from parts of an article I found in TheMighty.com by Jessica Donaldson.
Everything I’ve taken & listed below describes what’s happening with me or applies to me. For family & friends to know. Maybe then we would both be able to reach each other when needed.

1. It doesn’t matter how often I tell myself, or my family and friends tell and show me that this is not true, but there is always a part of me that feels like a burden.

2. That’s why it’s actually a lot harder than you realize for me to ask for help or even comfort. So offering to do something specific or even just performing a small act of kindness really goes a long way.

3. If I’m distant or disconnected please know it’s not you and it’s really not me. It’s the disease. I’m still here and I still love and care for you just as much.

4. I get overwhelmed with everything going on inside my body and sometimes have to unplug. Other days I may just not feel up to talking. Please don’t take this personally; again, this is the disease and not me.

5. If I’m short-tempered, anxious or even rude at times please just remember I’m constantly under attack from every direction. This can cause my emotions to run rampant. And most of the treatments I go through will only exacerbate my symptoms before I ever seen any improvement. That usually means every symptom physically, mentally and emotionally goes into hyperdrive. Trust me, I know it’s hard on those around me… it’s equally hard on me. I often feel like I am losing my mind completely.

6. Don’t forget about me. When you go through life with chronic disease and have the blessing like I did of some time in remission, those connections mean a lot. Even if it is a Snap or a text, just a simple gesture of love can help a lot, when you feel like you’ve been forgotten

7. If you say you’re going to do something for or with someone who is sick like me… then do it! There isn’t a lot that I can look forward to right now – no going out or much of anything really outside of having to go to work week day’s which is so draining physically and mentally. So when a promise or plan is made to brighten up the day of someone who is sick… stick to it. It’s often the ray of hope we have been clinging to for days or weeks.

8. Lastly, but really the most important part too. Please keep sharing, commenting and giving as you can (doesn’t mean monetary). This is neither an easy nor cheap journey. And I need all the support I can get.

I hope this will also help someone else like myself – that they may use it as a tool to help those around them understand what is happening in their bodies and minds.


Today’s Achievements

Anyone with chronic illness will appreciate my achievements from the challenges of today.

I changed my bedding on my own, and it took less than 2 hours like it normally takes. Doing that I got all hot and sweaty in my onesie. So I took on another hard task. I had a shower. Having Fibromyalgia both of those challenges took great energy out of me.
But the hardest challenge I had to do was a chore that I struggle with the most, hang up washing that had just been done been washed. Many pain killer’s had to be taken as my back is in agony. Also I’m wiped out because of the fatigue so I have to relax watching recorded tv series hoping the painkillers that I took will kick in.

Reduction in Pain

A few week’s ago my friend advised that he’d been doing research on Fibromyalgia & what can help but in a natural way. Because there is so much medical research which all prove that Lyrica is so bad for you & I’m on 300mg am, 300mg pm. Check out the side effects in the report in this link. http://www.everydayhealth.com/drugs/lyrica
The side effects out way the benefits. So a few week’s ago he started me on a collection of vitamins & minerals which has made a difference to the pain I experience daily. I believe It has started to help reduce the pain I endure daily. Also he got me Magnesium Oil to spray on painful area’s & that certainly helps living with the pain by reducing it quite rapidly.

Today I finally had a telephone appointment with Dr Kay. I had been meaning to arrange it for sometime but depression got & has been bad. I advise her what’s been happening taking vitamin & minerals. And that I wanted to reduce the Lyrica dosage because of the current situation. She was more than happy for me to do that. So I’m reducing my Lyrica to 225mg am & 225mg pm. We’re going to give it a couple of month’s to see how I’m getting on with that dosage. If it’s in a food place we may reduce the Lyrica dosage to 150mg am & pm. So that was a very good doctor’s appointment, I felt positive & I felt proud of being able to achieve it mentally.

So when I got home from work I sorted out the Lyrica dosage. I’m starting with the reduced dose of 225mg from this evening. I’ll keep you updated with this part of my battle in life.

A Tough Tuesday (2.10.18)

I got home from work yesterday and I was wiped out. So I was in bed and asleep by 6pm. When this morning came around I struggled to wake up. I can’t even remember the alarm clock going off for me to make a doctor appointment, so looks like I shall be doing that tomorrow morning in work. Normally on a Tuesday the alarm clock is set for 10am. But this morning I struggled, I kept resetting the alarm for a bit later. I finally got up 11am. That gives me plenty of time to get myself up and dressed because I have PMP (Pain Management Programme) Session at 1pm. Also get some food in me before we have to leave for Mumski to take me & drop me off at PMP.

Today at PMP we did a “Passengers on a bus” Exercise. It was good then near the end is the session we went through some Strengthening Exercises for us to practice in our own time. I couldn’t sit still as the patch on my left leg was painful so I had to keep moving in my seat.
I missed last session due to my depression and pain. Last week looked like a good session it was primarily about flair up, shame I missed it. I made sure that I picked up the hand outs from last week.
I’ll start reading the “Flair Up” & “Thinking About Thoughts” handouts tomorrow along with today’s “Sleep & Pain” hand out.

After PMP I had to wait 20 minutes for the bus to arrive as usual. Today the cold wind made it a painful wait, I was glad to get on the bus in the warmth. The walk home once I got off the bus wasn’t too bad. The onesie went straight on as soon as I got in home, which warmed me up. Then I put Magnesium Oil on my left leg & that helped get rid of the pain nearly straight away. It’ll be going on before I go to bed to be safe.

I had to sort out my meds & supplements out for 5 day’s, which I normally do 5 day’s at a time. But the sitting & bending over doing it always makes the back hurt. As soon as I was done I sat back on my bed & tried to relax my back which has helped.

I sort of packed my backpack for work tomorrow, well gym clothes are in there. I start again doing yoga class in work tomorrow. It’s a 40 minute class, however I’m only going to do 20 minutes rather than the whole 40. So not to over do it. Bit I am looking forward to doing it.

That’s enough from me today. Bye for now xXx

I’m back (26.09.18)

I’ve been thinking & deciding that I’m going to start posting again. But also setting a reminder daily at a certain time so that it becomes part of my routine. I need it for my health due to having Fibromyalgia & a form of Bipolar. So here I am!

My day started good, I was even perky. However as I went through today mentally I have become so so low. I could see myself spiralling down but couldn’t stop it.

When I finished work I walk to the stop I catch the bus into town. Only to find it was not use yesterday & today. So I had to walk approx 200 yards. So I had to walk fast as possible to that stop. Luckily I didn’t have to wait long. I just managed to get to the stop for my 2nd bus which gets me home. Only to find out that my 48 bus had been cancelled, bloody great. So I got on the 49 bus which sort of stops not to far from where I live. But I really didn’t need a 30 minute walk from the bus stop after all the rushing around and being so hot on the bus.

At home I was face with still having to sort out my phone after having to do a factory reset to fixed a problem. But it’s trying to remember settings, logins & passwords of app’s. I did not expect it to be so lengthy. My concentration is so bad & get easily distracted by the app I’m I’m sorting, I start using it and forget what I was initially doing. It’s been a couple of late night’s which could of contributed to my present, I’m not going to say feeling as I don’t really get feelings/emotions so I will say mood/status.

I need to go into myself now & go to bed. So that’s enough from me today.